hollaholla

Please Keep Morgan Dana Harrington and her family in your prayers<3



Well its 6:15 and I have been to sleep yet...NOPE

I've set up my Iphone, I'm transferring music from one computer to the other. I've located my retainer.. still cant find my flash drive..that I NEED.

I talked to Travis already, he was goin out for a hike. ugh. He leaves for a week in the field friday. I'm not happy about it. But I'll be ok, its just a week, and friday and saturday I have halloween parties to attend. So it will help keep my mind off things.

And tomorrow..well today.. I need to get my nails done, go to the ABC store.. go to CVS.. and make sure I have everything I need for halloween.. maybe even a hair cut?

Only one of my files is half way.. this sucks. and of course now I'm getting tired. I went and had a really good work out tonight, I'm trying to come up with a plan and stick to it.. so I did 4sets of 12 reps. on each of the machines tonight :) my arms are a little sore, but not really.

which reminds me, I have to go to the gym at some point today/tonight! lol.

Looks like I'm gonna let the computers finish this file transfer on their own!

Night
xo

once again.

Once again..its 6am...and I havent slept yet. siiiiggh. T and I had a small fight tonight.. basically I was upset that he hadnt called..he got pissed off at me.. then he called at like 11 to apologize and we talked it out.. hes really stressed and I know he is.. and I'm just pmsing and not sleeping so right now sucks. He apparently found out he could be leaving as soon as 5 months. which is like right around my bday/our 3 year. hmp.

I thought about driving down there this weekend, then I remembered...oh wait.. hes going into the field for a week on thursday..which means..no contact for a week. sigggggh. I love him.

He told me tonight that he told me it would be hard and it he wouldnt blame me if I left him... well I told him I would never leave and I'm not going to.

Hes mentioned getting married before he deployed a few times.. idk if he was serious or not.. I would like to.. at least sign the papers and I can plan the wedding while he is gone.

There is so much going through my mind, I just wish I could sleep. I'm exhausted and damn near in tears. this sucks.

xo

...

October 11th made 2.5 years..we've been thru hell and back in there 2 1/2 years.. we've both made mistakes..but in the end we forgave/forget and things are perfect with us. Except for the fact that I'm an emotional/needy/jealous person. And when I'm sick.... multiply that by like 10000 and there ya go... some days I dont know how he puts up with me. and some days he just says one little thing that sends me over the edge...today it was ... "whats wrong with you?"...do you really wanna know... cause here ya go... 1) I'm sick..2) I didnt sleep for shit.. and here was the text he got after I didnt answer 3-4... "I'm sorry, you know how I fet when I dont feel good, I shouldnt take it out on you, you didnt do anything. I just get frustrated when I cant talk to you bc I'm jealous of other ppl.. you know this.. it sucks..i'm a shitty gf..whatever.. I'm sorry. I just know one day you wont be a call or text away".... his response was --"babe dont do this.. your my number one you know this.. I love you.. ttyl.. I love you"

And I just know..one day..soon.. I'm going to be the girl who has her phone up as loud as it will go at all times, who will cry when she misses a call and her world will come crashing down. I've never been so needy in my life.. but for some reason when it comes to him, I need him, I feel the need to be in contact constantly, and without that constant contact I feel lost. Its not I dont trust him, its just I need to know he loves me. I need reassurance. I feel like such an idiot for being needy. I need to learn to be independent, I think I'm just being needy bc I know I can be right now and soon I'm going to have to be independent, it doesnt scare me, I've been independent before..

I'm terrified of the day he leaves. I refuse to discuss it until we find out when it is. I know its coming eventually, I just hate thinking about it. I have a great support group of friends who will be here for me but its not the same. when I'm being needy and a brat Travis is the only one who will put up with my shit.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this.. I guess I'm just ranting..

<3

ugh

I have the worst headache. Stupid sinus' I just want to sleep. I need to go to the gym tonight and then I might go see paranormal activity. Not sure yet, but well the gym is a sure thing! I just wish I felt better. I hate days like today, I just want to curl up and sleep. Which I cant sleep, because well I just cant. UGH! But I'm having a decent day, Travis had his first test today so I hope he did well! I need to go find some decongestants and lay down in hopes of feeling better so I can make it to the gym tonight, since I havent gone in a week!

I never sleep

anymore....not until like 5AM.. then when I do sleep, I have horrible dreams. I need to get on a schedule and figure it out quick. this is getting old. Travis told me tonight that he will be unable to talk from Oct 30-Nov 5th. UGH! Thats like the longest we will go without speaking since he was in boot camp! He said he is going to try and take his phone, so we'll see. I had a deep discussion with an old friend tonight, I might be looking into cosmetology school :) hopefully I'll get to talk to Travis longer than 10-15 mins tomorrow and I can shoot the idea to him. and then sit down with my parents and discuss it. I think its something I would really enjoy, and I could make a decent amount of money! I just need to figure something out! I'm 21, not getting any younger, and I mean I pretty much can take cosmetology anywhere and do it, as long as I can find a salon thats hiring..SIGH! well I'm gonna go lay down and watch a movie.

Well I guess I should....

Probably introduce myself, for the ppl reading this who dont know me. My name is Cait, I'm 21. I've been with my Corpsman for almost 3 years. We've had our ups and downs but that happens with a long distance relationship. He is currently in NC for training and then we will be relocating to his next duty station. I spent from April til the end of September with him in FL and then until mid-October with him in VA. So now things are difficult, I went from physical contact everyday to barely even being able to speak to him. It sucks, but its what we sacrifice for love.

as i sit here

Well its 1:15AM..and I'm still awake.. since he left I'm having the worst trouble sleeping. I know this is only temporary and I will be with him soon, but its just hard, I go from sharing a bed with him for months and now I'm not even in our bed, I'm in my bed, alone. I cant wait to find out where we will be stationed once he graduates, so we can start our life together and be sharing our bed once again. I'm trying to find a temporary job for the time being to get some money saved up and then get everything figured out. :) Well I'm off to go check out this "meteor shower"