...

October 11th made 2.5 years..we've been thru hell and back in there 2 1/2 years.. we've both made mistakes..but in the end we forgave/forget and things are perfect with us. Except for the fact that I'm an emotional/needy/jealous person. And when I'm sick.... multiply that by like 10000 and there ya go... some days I dont know how he puts up with me. and some days he just says one little thing that sends me over the edge...today it was ... "whats wrong with you?"...do you really wanna know... cause here ya go... 1) I'm sick..2) I didnt sleep for shit.. and here was the text he got after I didnt answer 3-4... "I'm sorry, you know how I fet when I dont feel good, I shouldnt take it out on you, you didnt do anything. I just get frustrated when I cant talk to you bc I'm jealous of other ppl.. you know this.. it sucks..i'm a shitty gf..whatever.. I'm sorry. I just know one day you wont be a call or text away".... his response was --"babe dont do this.. your my number one you know this.. I love you.. ttyl.. I love you"

And I just know..one day..soon.. I'm going to be the girl who has her phone up as loud as it will go at all times, who will cry when she misses a call and her world will come crashing down. I've never been so needy in my life.. but for some reason when it comes to him, I need him, I feel the need to be in contact constantly, and without that constant contact I feel lost. Its not I dont trust him, its just I need to know he loves me. I need reassurance. I feel like such an idiot for being needy. I need to learn to be independent, I think I'm just being needy bc I know I can be right now and soon I'm going to have to be independent, it doesnt scare me, I've been independent before..

I'm terrified of the day he leaves. I refuse to discuss it until we find out when it is. I know its coming eventually, I just hate thinking about it. I have a great support group of friends who will be here for me but its not the same. when I'm being needy and a brat Travis is the only one who will put up with my shit.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this.. I guess I'm just ranting..

<3